Got a call from an old friend, we used to be real close. I call him David, though this is not his real name. I'm not trying to protect the innocent or anything, it's just that he was introduced to me as David, and for years I called him that until he got a new email address at work and I learned his name was really Hector. Seems David is his middle name, and when he met me, he didn't think I would know him long enough or well enough to learn the truth. After knowing him as David for years, it becomes incredibly difficult to choke out a 'Hector", so I will always refer to him as David. When there are other people around that might know him better than me, I don't call him anything at all.

He called the other day, and when I saw his last name appear on my caller ID, I knew two things before I answered: 1. This phone conversation was going to last a long time, and 2. He and his boyfriend have broken up.
David is the kind of guy you don't hear from when he's happy, and appears daily on your doorstep when he's not. I don't hold this against him, I know how people are, and truthfully, I don't have enough room or time in my life to have EVERY friend be my best friend, so I'm grateful that I get to see him once or twice a year, between relationships.

We shot some emails back andd forth and he wasn't very forthcoming, he was, however, genuinely kind and appreciative of my time, which isn't like him at all.

"Oh no" I thought to myself, "He got dumped bad, maybe cheated on, he's going to need a really long talk".
I felt kind of selfish when I caught myself hoping he would call in that short window of time between my free evening minutes and when Bang gets home from the gymn.

"Are you o.k.?" I asked him, sitting on the front porch finishing off a glasss of NAKED juice -Green Machine. I was proud of maintaining my healthy lifestyle, and at the same time, desperatly craving a cold beer. I wanted something with an edge to help me wash down what would be another one of THOSE conversations.
"Hell no" he replied, 'I'm a fucking wreck!"
It was worse than I thought . "It's not like last time" he went on,"I'm not naucious, gagging if I put so much as a toothbrush in my mouth!".
"Good" I said, straining to hear him over the screaming of Josh's adopted boys. It's getting warmer at night now, and the hell that is open windows in the neighbors house has just begun. The short window of time that has warm-to-tepid temperatures will be draggged out unendingly all the way to central-air season by the noise from across the street. I still believe Josh is plotting to make weapons out of them.

" . . . and to top it all off, the guy has an education, and property, I mean, I can't even compete. Are you still there?" I suddenly snapped back in time to answer A.K.A David with a weak "Geeze, man that sucks!""Yeah well, I'm trying to keep my chin up and not let it wreck my self esteem."
I quoted some lines from the Dahli Lama, and wished him welll before I got off the phone just in time to greet Bang on the stoop, home from another days work and a step class at the gymn.
"I am so grateful" I told him, as we wandered around the expanse of our recently watered yard.
"For what?" he asked.
"For having a skull so thick that rejection doesn't bother me anymore". That's what I thought of saying.
"For You" is what I should have said. Instead, I didn't say anything at all, I just smiled up at him, listened to him talk about his day, and quietly turned my cell phone off .

Now we're sitting on the porch, Bang with Rusty on his lap, as I read lines from this blog to him. He's off to check our pork roast now, as it is inevitable that every night's dinner be "gourmet".
It's not a lot of work for him, he downloads recipes and prints them out to read as he cooks. I wish I could think of one thing I do for him that's as valuable as feeding fine cuisine, but I can't. I may never know what this guy sees in me, but for now I'm not wasting any time worrying about it. I'll simply write about the cool thingss he does, and continue to tell him, and myself "I am So Grateful!".

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Clock is ticking

While I was home I went to visit my two Sisters, and really had some trippy experiences.
At Pecias, I got to experience her and her knew BF after her 20 year marriage ended.
They stood in the kitchen, a full arms length away from me, and from each other, as if afraid to get too close. I didn't get it at first, thought maybe Pecia felt silly having a BOYFRIEND after all these years. I was really looking forward to dragging her ass over the coals after everyone else left, and we were alone.
It wasn't until Vince and I went over to his home (the house I grew up in next door) that I found out what was really up. He knew I hadn't been there in a long while, and wanted to give me the opportunity to say gooddbye to my childhood home-or so I thought.

"Your Sister and I are a little bit concerned . . . " He started, I gave him my full attention as I stood at the bottom of the stairs, in a place I haven't actively aknowledged in 20 years,
"We're concerned how you feel about her and me dating like we are"
At first I thought he must be referring to the Royal "You", I would never be so vain as to think my feelings on such a subject would matter to anybody. I'm the family queer for Christ's sake, I judge EVERYONE, and no one at all.
"Realy Vince" I told him, honestly, and little patronizingly, "My opinion is the last thing you should be worried about.I've come out of the closet and seen the demons, and I like to dish out a lot of grace for my former acusers. I look at it as "I'm saving up for heaven."
He looked at me a little confused, maybe he didn't know I was gay. I quickly decided that idea was obsurd, and went on.
" Besides, our Family has lived through the fires of scandal the likes of which you have never seen, and to be honest -this charade isn't even a blip on the radar."
He seemed very relieved to know I wasn't bothered, and told me he loved her. I was touched by this, then he went on and on and on about all the Christians in Pecias life he's had to have this conversdation with and I suddenly wished I had taken my time in telling him I didn't care that he was bopping my sister.
"You could have has some real fun with this, you idiot!" I told myself, as I knodded like an muppet at his recounting tales of discomfort.
"You could have put on some real eires" I said to my reflection int eh rear view mirror, I was heading back to my cousins house where I was staying for the trip. "You could have acted all upset, and pretended he and Pecia had to answer to you. Think of the power trip you could have enjoyed, the Drama you could have wallowed in!"

When Vince and I went back over to the house, he was now regarding me as his buddy, Pecia knowingly smiles as we come in the front door. "Dinners almost ready!" she said, trying too hard to be June Cleaver.
I wonder to myself if I'll be coming home this summer, or if I should just stay home.

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