The Blog of the 30-something fag- June Edition
July 1, 2004

Let the Fireworks Begin!
I am so excited about the month of June ending that I am prematurely creating my blog for the start of July.

Seeing as my summer central will be filled with happy, healthy excursions all over the globe, (meeting old friends, reminiscing, then mocking them later) I will be at a loss for time in my usual spewing of dispatches, but don't you worry!
Content not-withstanding, my drivel will prove, albeit brief, just as pointless, boring and bereft of meaning as ever.
Enjoy!!



Like this girl's image, and some better mortgage loans, this blog is pointless.
June 30th, 2004

TMI squared
I typically abhore people talking about their personal health issues on their blog. I find it repulsive, disgusting, and vile. Pandering to the masses proccupation with all things gross, as if downloading terroristic beheading video is not crass enough, but this some of you might find an interesting sidebar, plus I am so excited I can't contain myself, so shut-up and read it.
Forgive me people, this dispatch involves the intensley boring subject matter of Chronic pain, alternative therapies and body fluids. In the past I have whined about my spinal issues, pain, and health problems, but always in a self-depricating way to make my conversation about health a bit more amusing. Keep in mind though that I shy away from the serious stuff, especially after reading one blog about a guy who had flesh-eating bacteria, and posted images of it oozing on his dispatch (Good God!!)
Today I'm going to talk briefly about a recent event that has me puzzled, but delighted none-the-less. Read it or skip past it to something less visceral if you like .

Of all the Gall . . .
This month was almost a total bust for me, it was hell, and I could not WAIT for it to be over.
It started with the trip to Scottsdale with Bang over memorial day weekend. We had a good time and all, but my back was killing me before we even made it home.

Bang and I tried everything to relieve it. Massage, yoga, riding, with some moderate results, but nothing lasting, and for the entire month I was in pain 24/7 and it was making me CRANKY!
Over this past weekend I went to see the Chirorpactor for the fifth time this month, I just HAD to get some relief .
Dr. Kam pushed some pretty hard buttons to try to get my Sacrum to reallign, it gave him a lot of trouble. I left with some relief, I could walk, but the pain maintained its course from my right hip down to my calf, and would not let up.
I did the only thing any sane man would do to relieve the pain, I drank- alot.
On Sunday Morning in Oceanside, it all came to a head. I woke up and could not walk straight. Here's the weird Part: I was naucious all the way home, and Jay had to pull over twice so I could deposit my steak and eggs on the side of the road. When we got to L.A. I walked into the house gingerly, expecting the flaming chards of hell to start slicing me again, but nothing happened.
No Pain, All gone. Nothing

It is now Wednesday and I haven't had so much as a ping.
So the question is: Can puking make things like back pain go away?
Can a good hefty vomiting sesssion align things your chiropractor can't reach?
Can body toxins give you debilitating pain? ( Gall Stones?)
Who knows? All I know is I feel a hell of a lot better, and I am pain free for the first time in several weeks. If anyone has any thoughts on this, let me know.
In the meantime, here's what I have read so far:
Gallstones - stones in the gallbladder and bile ducts
AllRefer Health - Choledocholithiasis

Feedback to this article HERE



June 28th, 2004

Does this come in a size 34?
Anyone who knows me well knows I have a persistant fascination with Bigfoot.
This article was in the newswire this month on APR

Big Foot Sighting
June 11, 2004 — It was big and hairy, but it wasn't a bear. Marion Sheldon and Gus Jules are convinced they saw Big Foot along the Alaska Highway near Whitehorse, Yukon.

The men say at first they thought they saw a man standing by the side of the road. They turned their all-terrain vehicle around, thinking it was someone in need of a ride. But as they men approached, they say the creature crossed the road in a couple of big steps and went into the bush.

Conservation officer Dave Bakica heard their story -- and says whatever it was, it shook up the two men. Bakica doesn't know if it was the legendary Sasquatch. But he says by the time he got to the site, any evidence like footprints was gone.

And today, at CNN, I found THIS
Now, I don't know WHAT to believe,

Feedback to this article HERE




This is a sexist, totally gross flash animation series and I found it infinately amusing- Check it out!
June 24th

And I said this because . . . . .
Someone asked me today why I Blog, and I couldn't answer them. They asked me about my readers and I couldn't answer them, and then they asked me if THEY should blog and I told them, well, I didn't actually tell them anything worth repeating, but the point I made was that Blogging is a self-serving obsession as well as an unappreciated form of public art. A flash in the digital pan, and the members are like the national aggoraphobia club, we know were out there, but we can't be bothered to leave our keyboards to actually touch base with each other. Blogs are for bloggers, I hardly know anyone that reads these and doesn't use it as incentive to write their own. Oh sure, there are some who read and don't write, many non-bloggers might read one, maybe two, and then say they are experts at the subject, and they very well may be because there is really very little to it, this blogging thing. Can you think? Can you type? Can you push the send button? Then welcome to the world of the weblog, now take a minute and revel in the possibility of your intellectual potential and dabble in the sheer mediocrity of it all.
I'm a reader/writer, I look for my inspiration elsewhere and surf other blogs before I take finger to keypad and rant, but as far as who the heck is reading this beside myself I have no idea.

I'm not going to follow that line with "And I don't give a crap" because I do.

Go ahead and call me the accidental exhibitionist, but slapping a clever line below a well cropped snapshot is what I consider the ultimate in new-millenia narcissism.
Imagine the adult, digital equivalent of Me, 7 years old, soaking wet, poised at the edge of my Uncle Paul's diving board teetering vicariously over the crystal blue pool screaming "Look at me! Look at me!" in my Mother's general direction. You get the idea, it's the attention thing.
SO to answer the question, "Why? Why do I blog?" it's for the simple reason of looking into the clear water of the world, and looking for something to reflect back to me, to tell me what I look like, and help me once again figure who the hell I am.

Jeez, that's deep!

Splash!

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June 23rd

Welcome to the 90's
It has been a long time coming, but I finally decided to blow the dust of my "Flash for Dummies" manual and learn some of this shit. Looks like the medium isn't going away anytime soon, so hopping on this train might be in my careers best interest.
Here's a link to my first attempt- and it only took me 5 hours.

In my next lesson, I will learn how to install the sound of my palm slapping repeatedly against my stupid, stubborn forehead. Stay tuned.

Feedback to this article HERE


As if you didn't know . . .


You will need the flash player to view this entry.
June 21st

I Vant some Ansahs, Dommeet!
Governor Schwarzenegger (Can't believe I actually wrote that with a straight face)
is conducting a phone poll that includes same-sex marriage.
Predictably, right-wingers are flooding the office with calls.
Since we are trying to pass a slew of marriage and domestic partner bills here in California, it's a goodtime to show support on the issue.

Takes less than a minute. You don't need to speak to anybody.

Call: 1-916-445-2841

After calling, press in order:
Press #5 for "Hot Issues."
Press #1 for Same Sex Marriage.
Press #1 to support gay marriage in California.

Thanks and good Luck~

Feedback to this article HERE


June 19th

What the F___ Do I know . . .?
I saw a very interesting film last night about human chemical processes, emotions and quantum physics.
It's called "What the bleep do We Know?"
I recommend it to anyone who is interested in quantum physics.

Read the Review

The
Website

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These 'toons pretty much
sum it up for me.

June 18th

Desperatley Seeking Sanity
I got an email from one of my Ex's formers(see guestbook), one I'd never heard of before. He wants the XBF's stats, says he blew him off last new years and he wants to confront him. After consulting with the all knowing guru(Camber Hill) about Mr. X (who has his own Blog by the way) about "The Right Thing To Do" I decided to alert JD to the situation, and quickly wash my hands of it. As much as I would love to sit down over a crispy creme and divulge all the nasties, it would probably not serve me, JD, or this guy in the slightest. Not in the long term anyway. Alas, I must learn that "Over it" really does include the word "OVER".

Feedback to this article HERE


June 18th

Why, no really, Why?
My high school reunion is on July 12th.
20 years ago I graduated from Carthage Central high school and aside from a few showings as best man, I have hardly seen a single sole I knew since leaving Carthgae in '85.
I 've never missed them, attributing it to the fact that I was voted most likely to pump gas. In retrospect I would probably have had better memories if I wasn't so hard up in the closet during those years. Seems when I finally did come out to my family and friends in '89, my whole feeling of self confidence expanded, and I was able to focus my energies on things more important than getting laid, and then trying to keep it a secret. Had I known the rtansformation would have been so positive, I'd have admitted my secret as early as Augustinian Academy.

I'm a little on the fence about how this will go over for me, I'm not sure if I should make my sexuality a part of it, keep it off the table, or both. People are going to ask if I'm married, have kids, etc. It sure would be nice to just say "hell no, I'm a total fag" without that concept dominating the conversation for the remainer of the evening.

I suppose the girls will get more comfortable with me, and the guys a little less, and maybe some will move as far away from me as possible, due to the fact that more than one of my classmates has had his dick in my hands at least once.

Hopefully all of us will come to the conclusion that we were all a bunch of kids back then, and it has little or nothing to do with who we are today. If I thought I had some people to apologize to, for pretending to be straight, I probably wouldn't go.

But I'm going, and many are asking me why? Why put myself through the embarrasement of recalling all that closet crap?
The truth is, I'm pretty proud of myself these days.Carthage is a small, one horse town, and I have a nice life in L.A., so I was really successful at pulling off the old idea of "Getting the hell outta here!" Besides, I would love to find out who else of the class of '89 was in the closet- That would be very interesting.

Feedback to this article HERE


June 16th

Yoga a better idea?
I Started doing Yoga (via DVD) this week as a way of dealiing with this periformis syndrome.
In the past I hardly believed I could pull off any yoga position that didn't readily resemble "Downward Slouching Slob". Suprisingly enough, I'm not only doing it daily, but I'm enjoying it as well, and the benefits to my back are measureable and extreme.

Kudos to Bang for once again making a suggestion for my betterment that is neither preachy nor outside my realm of reasonable comprehension, or attainment.


June 9th, 2004

The last birthday card
A guy that I consider to be a good friend recently turned 37 the other day.
Years ago I asked him when his birthday was, and he said "June 3rd, and don't you ever forget it!"
Funny thing, I never have. I remember conversations verbatim, kind of like an audio "photographic memory", and if I have ever been aware what the date was, I will remember a birthday. On june 3rd I remembered, made a little card and carted it over to his house and left it in the door.

There comes a time when a person should stop expecting people to remember their birthdays, and that age is around 11. There also comes a time when a person should realize who is treating who like a doormat.
I have often noticed that this friend of mine doesn't carry the average amount of interest in what I might refer to as friendship maintenance. He's not lousey at returning calls, he just doesn't. He's not simply flakey, or "Once in a while" doesn't follow through on what he says he'll do. In fact, as many people are consistently "On" this guy is consistently off. He's never on time, if he shows up at all. He never returns calls or remembers a birthday. If he does show up, it's empty handed.
He is remarkeably consistent in the negative, and the only redeeming quality in all of this is that he's flipantly unapologetic about it. He makes no time to apologize and promise you anything outside of more of the same. He lives his life to his own personal convenience and gives no heed to the expectations of others whatsoever.
The remarkeable thing about all of this is that he's not new. We've been friends for over 10 years and it's always been this way.

Is he treating me like a doormat? No. Fact is, he's not treating me at all. If I'm angry at the current state it's at myself for letting it go on. I understand I am only letting myself down by putting myself out there time after time. I'm a stubborn man, who likes to think I can move people to be more than they are. In most cases I can, but once in a while you snag an immoveable object and you have to decide, is it your head or the wall that gives?

Sometimes I fantasize about telling him off. I often imagine the conversation, and it always involves me, angry and redfaced, demanding he be more responsible with my feelings. Eventually I laugh at the thought of it. He has disarmed my anger before with a simple question; "Do you think I owe you something Thomas?" In reality, no. Nothing but assumed social expecations of debt. "I remember your birthday, you remember mine". Tit for tat, quid pro-quo. However, these rules don't apply to my friend, they never have. Not with me or anyone else in his life. They don't compute into his concious. They involve a social moray that he has never adopted, maybe becuase the concept was never properly introduced into his social upbringing.

He doesn't get it, and gets that he doesn't get it, and prefers it that way. I have to admire him for that, and that how he comes across to other people is not a concern, and this trait has not left him short of friends or lovers. It's worked for him, to the utter frusttration of those of us who have this concept so deeply ingrained in our psyche that we find ourselves enslaved by it. He shrugs the whole idea off, this thought that he is obligated to make other people happy with superficial gestures of good will. He sees it as a grand waste of his own time.
In the long run he may be right, that it's a needless and impotent cultural institution, this 'social responsibility', but none the less, he's primarily alone. Like the one kid in school who was never vaccinated, he has no more risk of infecting the other kids as being infected himself. Louis would only suffer the affects of his attitude if everyone else around him shared the same concept.
In that, he's lucky, and we'll never know how he would feel if no one remembered his birthday, either because we never will, or no one will stick around long enough to find out.

Feedback to this article HERE


June 6th, 2004

Somewhere between midnight and death.
I can't sleep, again. I get started o.k., and then 15 minutes into I snap awake, and that's it, I'm done for the night. Strange, I know, but it seems to be a recurring theme.
Currently I'm drinking bedtime tea and hoping for the best.
Bang fell deep about 7 minutes into it.
It takes me back to my childhood a bit. Tim an I used to share a room, and it was always a contest to see who could get to sleep first. The goal was simple, fall asleep first and sleep soundly all night. The one who missed the boat to la-la-land was up all night staring at the ceiling, and since that was ususally me, I was staring at the bottom side of Tim's top-bunk mattress.
So I greet the cat in the hallway and start boiling tea, and gear up for a few minutes of something to help me get drowsey.
This month seems a bit messy to me, I have a lot going on, but nothing is really nailed down yet, so it's like a bunch of balls in the air, and I don't kow where their going to land. I have a new website for a beverly hills florist I'm procrastinating, I have a west-coast family reunion in a week or so, and in July, I have a Gay wedding in Napa, an anniversary and a birthday with Bang, a high-school reunion and another trip south to Dominica for 2 weeks. I wont' have my feet on the ground until at least the end of august, and I'm feeling a bit uprooted already.

Feedback to this article HERE

Cheap Thrill #14
The bosses son got married in May, and Bang and I took the RV to Scottsdale AZ to witness the affair. I can only imagine just how absolutely bored he was to be mixed up in that event, but he took it all like a trooper. I think he honestly had fun, though he'd never admit it if he didn't.

On the way out of Arizona, we picked a campground off the 10 freeway that boasted primitive sites for $10 a night, or full hook-ups for $20. We decided to give it a shot and walked into a really creepy-looking yard in a dark area that boasted "Hot Springs"

After a 5 minute converstion with two 70-something nudists we discovered that this was not a campground, but a resort, and we had the opportunity to enjoy a hot soak in a hot spring in the middle of the desert in 100 degree heat at 10 p.m. for only $45 per person.
We decided to park in the lot across the street for the night and-pardon the pun, sweat it out.
Now, the evening and consequential breakfast at the local truckstop(complete with hot coffe, a single stale waffle, flourescent yellow omlettes and a late 60's waitress trying to look 30), were less than eventful, and I shouldn't even be writing about it, but I felt I should because I've never seen to septegenerians naked in the middle of the desert before. I felt I absolutely had to at least MENTION it!

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The Great Guru
Camber Hill
Seer of all things Ludicrous